I have been home for over a year now and looking back it is crazy to see how the year has gone. learning so much about every aspect of life. I have struggled a lot with contentment, in the fact that as I reflect I realize I am never satisfied with where I am at. While in Kansas I wanted so bad to be home and with my friends and family here, and now while home I would love to be with my friendships there again. I'm trying to find a meeting place in the middle, though its hard and a part of life I think that I am starting to get here. I am by no means unhappy here. I am at the happiest I have been in a long time. Being home with my family and finally getting to watch my nephews grow is simply indescribable.
I have learned so much about my friendships. Friends come through friends, family, through work, through acquaintances and from all over the place. Friends come and go. If you know me at all you know how much my friendships mean to me, they always have and they always will, and that I find so much joy in doing things for those friends. I failed the past few years with expressing that to many of my friends. I knew it was missing but at the same time I had no desire to really do anything about it. Some of my best friends have been some of my worst friends at times, but I think about the worst of times and the fact that we made it through makes us the best of friends we are today. I invest my relationships now not to have them go away in the future. The past few months have been an eye opener for me. As I have watched what has happened in my relationships, I have been hurt but I have also been blessed. As I have been hurt I have seen the friendships who have stepped in and been there for me. The ones who arent just there because its convenient at the time, but the ones who are challenging me to be a better person everyday. My best friends know who they are and why they are who they are. Its amazing to me that some of my best friends can be so far away and we barely talk but they are the ones that I know I can have a genuine conversation with and are helping me to become a better person. I have come to realize more and more that people let you down. i have let people down myself. Sucky part about being human, but its no excuse. I have thought about what it really means to have a best friend, what it entails? though i might not have all the answers now I think I have a good grasp, and those are the ones I will invest my time and relationships in. Not that the other ones dont matter, but ultimately if its all about fun and games, then how is that benefiting not only myself but their lives too? after all, what does it really mean to live life to the fullest and take apart of every opportunity. because for most its going to be completely different. and are our answers the right ones? Though I often fall short of my purpose to serve, love, and praise God, I know that I need the relationships to help me get there. Friendships change and that is a part of life, but I have seen myself become a better person because of it too, whether the change be good or bad. i have often allow full trust in someone I have simply just met or someone who might not deserve it, and simply get let down, and I beat myself up for it. I have been trying to learn the balance but still have not quite gotten there. As I am getting older its almost as though it happens more often. its inevitable and its not something that i can get away from, but can simply learn from.
Proverbs 27:17
As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another"
As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another"
